Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Two too Much!

I have to say, I feel INCREDIBLE, especially in comparison to my recovery of Brooklyn, which took FOREVER because I got a Uterus infection upon my arrival home and was completely bed ridden for about two weeks. So this time, the fact that I'm alert and walking around is just AMAZING to me. And I ALSO have to admit I feel silly for panicking so much before Brighton's arrival. I'm obsessed with Brighton, I'm still in love with Brooklyn, poor Charkley has gotten a SECOND boot, and I still love Starling (and even like him MOST days). And my mom was asking if she needed to come over everyday like she did with Brooklyn. And she came EVERYDAY to help me for like 3 months with Brooklyn and I would have DIED if she'd skipped a day.

And I was able to tell her, "You are more than welcome to come everyday and help, but honestly this TWO is soooo hard bit is kind of a joke... I feel GREAT, the baby is GREAT, Brooklyn is... well she's dealing with life right now..."

The difference of Recovery.
1. With Brooklyn I was still trying to work and was taking her with me to work. I knew I wanted to be a stay at home mom BUT I really like getting a paycheck. I had just graduated college the week before she was born and was having a REALLY difficult time just giving up all I'd worked for to be "stuck" at home. I felt anxious and torn between being "super good mom" or "super good employee." And I felt guilty about either decision I made.
2. With Brooklyn we were living in a ONE bedroom apt, the one behind our house, while we renovated our house. ALL of our stuff was CRAMMED into that little apt and I felt like a sardine stuck in a can with Starling, Charkley, Chance, a new born baby, and ALL of Starling's TREASURES. (I was having daily "can't DEAL" meltdowns and we couldn't finish our house FAST enough!)
3. I was totally clueless on how to breastfeed. Every time Brooklyn cried, I almost cried. I would LEAVE the room where everyone was socializing, crawl into my bed into the "breastfeeding position," strip off ALL my clothes, and let her nurse. She'd fall to sleep immediately and would NEVER finish, but I'd THINK she was finished because I had no idea about babies and their Narcoleptic selves. I'd put ALL my clothes back on, and if the people hadn't left our house yet, go talk some more, but usually people took the opportunity to scat. And then, if the people were still there, as soon as I got settled back into a conversation, POP went Brooklyn's eyes and ROOTING resumed. She was still hungry. And when we went other places I would spend my entire time locked in a room somewhere feeding a baby. It took me a LOOONG time to figure out how to feed a baby with a shirt on.

1. I'm no longer "work sick." I'm totally used to being COMPLETELY broke. I don't let out a SIGH every time I see a pair of jeans I WISH I could buy. I don't even go SHOPPING anymore. AND when I DO need to go shopping... I give Starling a heads up that he's probably going to crap a brick when he sees the credit card bill... but that's only once in a blue moon. Stay at home moms don't NEED really nice clothes.. just like a nice Sunday outfit and then a couple GO out when you have a BABYSITTER outfits. I can otherwise suffice with sweatpants and t-shirts. OR, in the summer, a Swim Suit and a pair of shorts. So when Brighton was born, NO BIGGIE, he's joining me in a life I've been living for TWO years. AND- I LOVE it now, so I don't feel like I'm making any sacrifice by staying home with him.
2. We live in our house, not a one room apartment. ENOUGH said! At least Starling's TREASURES are now spread over three bedrooms, a living room, and a den instead of a HOTEL room of an apt.
3. Breastfeeding. Where I HATED it last time (Hate is not even a strong enough word), I LOVE-LOVE-ABSOLUTELY LOOOVE breastfeeding this time. AND I gotta take a bow and say- I ROCK at it. I can chunk my little man up and on WHILE walking through the kitchen putting together lunch, EAT my lunch while he's still chowing down, CLEAN up the kitchen while he's finishing up, and lay down and nap with him by the time he's finished. Anything that can be accomplished with one arm- I GOT it. However... I still don't like to wear a shirt if I can help it. It gets all up in the way. But- since I have blinds... I figure clothes are now optional. PLUS I feel so BONDED to my little dude when I feed him. I've heard people say that before, but I did NOT feel that way last time. Instead of BONDED, I felt like a tongue stuck to a frozen flag pole.

NOW- anyone can see that a SECOND child is WAAAAY easier than a FIRST child. BUT- yes, unfortunately there is always a BUT- TAKING TWO IN PUBLIC is NOT EASY. Its horrendous and dreadful and I don't ever want to do it again!!

Even though I was told at the hospital to not lift more than my baby and to not drive for two weeks and bla di da... they set me up a doctor's apt for Brighton today to have his billiruben retested. I thought, "SERIOUSLY?? One day out of the hospital and I have to take him BACK." But, I feel fine so I didn't think it was too big of a deal. SOOOOOO I loaded up Brooklyn and Brighton in the van along with a stroller (because I was THINKING ahead and being all prepared like the wanna be Boy Scout I am...). I got to the doctor's office, unloaded the stroller, put Brooklyn in the stroller (because she got SOOO excited about riding in it even though SHE wasn't who I brought it for), put the diaper bags in the bottom of the stroller, and wrapped Brighton up to carry him. WELL- my friend Jacque GAVE me a double jogging stroller and I now know I should have taken THAT ONE, but in my defense I felt like Brighton is too little to sit up good enough in a stroller. He's four days old. And Brooklyn's reclines flat so that I could let him lay in the stroller while SHE walked. But I hadn't anticipated her STRONG reaction to riding in the stroller. "Ah- its fine" I thought. UNTIL I attempted to push her stroller one handed. I felt like I was trying to steer a wild BOAR. I pushed it straight it went RIGHT, I'd turn it left and it would run into the wall... Several men watched me try to maneuver the stubborn thing through the parking lot and held the door open for me. After I ran over the man's foot, ran into the door twice, backed it into the OTHER side of the door, I FINALLY made it into the Hospital.

I had similar problems loading the elevator, but this time the man held the elevator open and kept his feet FAR FAR away from me. THEN, of course, after i ram both walls all the way down the hallway, get through the LAST door, and sit down, Brighton decides he's hungry. WELL- I got PRO-WOMAN syndrome thinking I'm SO GOOD at breastfeeding, I can totally handle a little public feeding. I even brought an extra blanket to throw over me in this event. I proceed as if I've done this a MILLION times, chunk the blanket over the top of me, lift the shirt, stick the baby on. I forgot about how babies don't like to be covered up. And, just like he demonstrated while IN my stomach, he reminded me that he can KICK and FLAIL OUT of my stomach. He kicked the blanket off. REPEATEDLY. And then the lady at the front desk calls me up to do all his NEW PATIENT records. (Why can't they just COPY and PASTE all of Brooklyn's junk onto his??) So I am now trying to WALK holding a blanket over Brighton while my jeans, that i technically can't fit into yet- can't buckle or zip, are falling down, the LOVELY hospital panties I'm still wearing are riding UP, my shirt isn't covering my back or my side at all so my little left over gut is just chilling in the fresh air, and Brighton is STILL trying to get the blanket off me. (I'm going to buy a couple of Mu Mu's and cut out two boobie holes). And all the while I'm being mortified, Brooklyn decides to have a PANIC attack that I've walked two feet away from the stroller. She wants OUT! So I take Brooklyn out and lay Brighton down in the stroller (because he's passed out now and a thousand degrees). I've broken a dang SWEAT. And Brooklyn has a MELTDOWN. "ES MY STROLLER!!!" If I'd had duct tape... it would have went over her mouth. I did not feel like being a good little mommy in that moment. BUT, I controlled my urge to SCREAM at the top of my lungs, and instead gently told Brooklyn that she had a turn riding the stroller IN and it was Brighton's turn. She wasn't happy about it... but she quit throwing a fit.

We finally got called back to our room where two nurses came in to "prick" Brighton's hill. Brooklyn was sitting on my lap and Brighton was curled up in the stroller. Sooo they took Brighton out of the stroller and put him on the table. He never whimpered or anything. And THEN one nurse starts EXPLAINING to the other nurse WHAT she needs to do. OK. So little Brighton gets to be GINNY PIG for a hill prick. WELL, I tell myself, how hard is it to prick his hill? It'll be fine. Don't FREAK out on someone.

So the lady, with her hand SHAKING like a nudist in a snow storm, "pricks" which is actually a SLICE to the hill. Brighton lets out a little cry that is hard for me to hear, but not gosh-darn-awful. Brooklyn didn't like this AT ALL. "Mommy! Baby Bry Bry es CRYING... What es WRONG with Bry Bry??" WELL they aren't DONE. The experienced nurse tries to COACH the other nurse on how to collect the blood out of his foot. It was absolute TORTURE for me to watch this. I've never heard him like CRY CRY... he was screaming so hard his whole little body looked like a lobster and he was losing his breath. And blood was going EVERYWHERE because the lady that was trying to squeeze it out of his foot kept letting his foot go and of course he'd YANK it away.

Brooklyn started crying. I almost started crying. Finally the experienced nurse said, "Do you want me to finish this one and you can try again on the next baby?" The shaking nurse looked relieved. "Yeah." And so the poor, petrified nurse took Brooklyn to get a sticker and I finally got to soothe my poor baby boy. Then we ran into walls and doors all the way back to the van. I said a little prayer for the "next" baby and I hauled my two little ones home.

I made lunch for Brooklyn and me while feeding Brighton then Brighton and I crashed while Brooklyn watched Dora. After we ate yummy tacos that Michelle brought us, Brooklyn asked to go on a family walk. Starling and Brooklyn had just walked in from Lowes. It was ten or after p.m. BUT I thought a walk sounded nice so off we went Starling scolding me the whole way that I had a baby 4 days ago and shouldn't be going on long walks. So we took a short one. I felt fine. Now I'm crazy cramping but I'll NEVER admit that to Starling so he can tell me 'told ya so.' Now I've gotta get these youngins to bed.

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