Morning Mourning

Isn't there some UNWRITTEN RULE about Morning Sickness? Like... once it STOPS it’s not allowed back to torment the prego again? I have started feeling nauseous again… and at first when I PROJECTILE vomited my breakfast across the bathroom three days ago, I thought… well maybe my breakfast didn’t settle well. .. (after all my breakfast was a banana and half a tub of chocolate chip cookie dough..). THEN when I got sick the NEXT day, I thought… hmmm maybe I have a virus… but I felt fine and didn’t throw up anymore. TODAY when I threw up I had that panicky… “I’m PREGNANT!” feeling… except that I’m already pregnant and I already KNEW that… (I guess my body has just been conditioned to panic at vomit in the morning).

It better stop. This SAME thing happened with the Brooklyn pregnancy. I was sick as a poisoned dog… then one day it stopped! And then I got so fat and uncomfortable I could barely breathe and STARTED throwing up again. I thought every pregnancy was DIFFERENT… mine hasn’t been different AT ALL. And that was my motivating factor in EVER becoming pregnant again. ALL the women said, “Just because you almost DIED of sheer discomfort with Brooklyn doesn’t mean a THING when you get pregnant again. TRUST ME,” They all said, “With my first I was deathly ill and I didn’t even HAVE morning sickness with my second.” Well, spare me all the encouragement if I ever get pregnant again. (And that is a BIG IF!)

I’d rather go into my pregnancy a realist, prepared to donate my body to a small mule that practices Conga on my insides around the clock. I’m going to go ahead and tie a black belt around Brighton when he decides to get up out of me. He’s earned it. As far as I’m concerned, he’s perfectly mastered the Karate kick, the jab, the chop, the twirly thing (I think my intestines got entangled the last time he did that), and any other thing that people learn at these self-defense classes to injure their Host, I mean opponent.

I just hope to have Brooklyn potty trained by this little Ninja’s arrival. She did very well today, having no accidents… RIGHT up until I posted on Face Book that she had NO ACCIDENTS. THEN, while playing in the kitchen with her magnets she called, “Mommy… I need to go potty…” I could tell in her voice, and her cowboy walk, that she PROBABLY didn’t need to go potty ANY MORE… I asked, “Brooklyn… did you pee pee in your panties?” Her little eyes wondered around the room for a bit, finally found my waiting face again, and she said, “uhh… yeah.” I said, “UH-OH Brooklyn…. We aren’t supposed to go potty in our panties. We’re supposed to go in the potty.” She nodded her head repeatedly… “don’t go pee pee in your panties, Book-lan… ‘posed to pee pee in da’ potty, Mommy.” And then I LEFT her in her nasties, to get a good feel of WHY she doesn’t need to pee in her panties, while I cleaned up the little puddle in front of the fridge. By then she was panicking. “Mommy, es yucky! Want off!” I helped her out of them and LOW and BEHOLD she had POOPED! (She normally doesn’t even poop in her DIAPER so I was NOT expecting that!) She was mortified when she saw the poop on her LEG. I was just trying not to throw up as I slung the undies into the sink for Starling to deal with.
Brooklyn got a bath after that and she was GLAD of it. She does NOT like being dirty. After she got out she tried on EVERY pair of her panties saying, “TOO big.” Then taking them off. Finally I said, “Then let’s put a diaper on your bum.” Suddenly her panties FIT and she scurried away. I really HOPE she likes panties again tomorrow. I NEVER know with that kid. She can hold her pee longer than I can. I pee three times before she has to go and I think I’ve been annoying the living squirrels out of her because I want her to pee as often as I do. I forget she doesn’t have something jumping up and down on her bladder. Oh well… I guess eventually she’ll just GET it. Hopefully sooner than later.