April Fools

I woke up tired but happy and took Brooklyn to the doctor at 10:30 to get her shots. She was SUCH a little trooper. She was so polite and sweet to the nurses and doctors right up until they STABBED her three times in her legs at which time she looked at me in HORROR and SCREAMED at the top of her lungs. I quickly said, "LOOK BROOKLYN! You get stickers on your Bo bo's!!" Through her tears she perked up and said, "Lo-O-oo-k, mu-um-my... st-st-st-stic-ters..."

I felt so sad for her that I didn't make her put her pants back on. (Wish I got that option after visiting the GYN and them giving me a HOO-HA exam). I took her to get chicken nuggets and an icy and then we did some shopping. I happened to hear the words April Fools on the radio and realized with a start that "I," the Devious Diva, had not only FORGOTTEN that today was April Fools, but COMPLETELY shirked my responsibility to plan and execute the most AMAZING trickery on my unsuspecting husband. In a mad rush I racked my conniving brain for something good. "I'm pregnant..." over-used and TRUE... I wrecked the car... already used that one on a regular day... I got HIT by a car... already did that one (and the result wasn't that good...Starling left work and got really mad)... I got a new dog... not drastic enough...

And then it hit me like a splash of perfection in the face. I texted Starling, "Omg... have I got news for you... you are going to have to sit down to hear this." Starling, who is in class who CANNOT ever TEXT me back says IMMEDIATELY, "tell. am sitting." (ummm hmmm... and he says "I'M" the GOSSIP).
I text back, "I really don't think that I can tell you over texting. This is a face to face matter that concerns our child. Nothing bad..just... you are going to be shocked"
Starling:"okay.. you have me worried"
Wendi: "Like- I made the doctor TRIPPLE check kind of thing bc I was in shock." "Don't be worried. Be excited?? Maybe?? We'll talk when you get home. I'm going to die until then."

Again. Starling is in class. He CAN not EVER text, LET alone CALL. My phone rings IMMEDIATELY. I answer in a... probably choking kind of voice because I am trying not to laugh. He asks, sounding VERY concerned and worried, "Wendi, WHAT is going on?" And so I just went about telling him as if it were all true and very naturally spilled the beans...

"Well I took Brooklyn to the doctor and then we went to Target and stuff and then I had my apt. at 1:30... well you already knew that... and it was just routine checkup thing. But I told Dr. Carter that I've been cramping alot and she said lets just get an ultrasound just to be on the safe side." I pause for dramatic effect and to giggle into my sleeve. Starling impatiently says, "UH HUH?" And I continue, my voice cracking perfectly... "Well... the ultra sound lady tells me everything looks fine but she keeps referring to the baby as a "she"... and she asked if we had any names picked out and I said Brighton and she referred to the baby as a "she" again... and so finally I corrected her and said, "well we're having a boy" and she was like- um... "No... this baby is a girl" and I said, "NOOO its a boy. We've already had the gender ultrasound and was assured that it was DEFINETLY a boy. I have pictures!" and I crack my voice again, "And Starling... I made her go get my doctor and Dr. Carter looked and said it IS a girl... I just started CRYING... I wasn't SAD neccessarily but I was just in SHOCK and i kept asking over and over... HOW CAN THIS Happen?!? How do you mistake the GENDER?? We WERE TOLD boy... like the ultrasound had a PEE PEE!!" aND I take a deep shaky breath (bc I am BUSTING at my sides) "And they said something about little girls being swollen in their down stairs and it doesn't happen often and they are really sorry... STARLING what are we going to DO!? I have my baby shower coming up and how am I going to tell JESSIE that she just spent all that money on invitations for "Its a BOY" when there is no BRIGHTON! There... there's a GIRL in me!!?? And we don't have a name! I feel so unprepared!" And I finally take a long enough breath for Starling to speak. Except he doesn't. "Starling?" I whimper... trying not to let the grin into my voice.

"This.. this is insane. I can't believe this.. this is crazy... I've heard of boys being mistaken as girls but never the other way around... this is nuts... man..."

"Starling this is the most ridiculous thing that could ever happen! Why is everything bad happening to us all at once! Not that its bad- but its insane... are we like CRAZY WIERD Happening magnets?"

And then the poor boy starts trying to COMFORT me. "Well... these things happen sometimes... I just can't believe that... MAN... but it'll be okay..."

"I do not even KNOW how are parents are going to react..."

"man. this is nuts.. its so crazy... they are going to freak... this is the strangest thing I've ever heard of in my life."

(And he basically said that over and over in shock forEVER. Then he had to go).

I hung up and laughed. And LAUGHED. AND HAHAed for thirty straight minutes. He was in class worried sick over his boy turning into a girl!

He left class early to go to a closing and he told Ken, his broker, about it. Ken said, "yeah... I forgot today was April 1st." And Starling STILL didn't catch that I was yanking on his ear lobe.

He walked into the door and gave me a hug and then said, "Oh.MY. Gosh. You got me. This is April Fool's Day. I seriously did not connect that until right now. I can't BELIEVE you!" And then I laughed at him for another thirty minutes.

And NOOOooo, he didn't get me. And how could he? The master of trickery cannot be tricked.