Seriously?

Okay. Sooooo... you'd think one family can only have SO much of ONE problem, right? Right. WRONG.

I took the little van to the DMV to get a tag for it (YAY! I can finally stop being a fugitive and have a TAG!) and the DMV lady told me she couldn't give it to me because Starling was on the title, not me. OKAY... minor set back. SOOOOOOOO STarlING went to the DMV to get the tag. He came home and I said, "WOW! It sure feels good to have a TAG, huh?" He gave me this little uncertain look and said very SLOW-LY and CalmLy... "Now... I don't want you to panic..." to which I panicked. AND then decided he was trying to prank me back for all the times I've pranked him. "I KNOW everything went fine because they told me we had all the paper work, you just had to do it. SO I'm not being fooled."

"WE-LL.. actually, there was a little problem... but its not un-fixable." Then I hit the roof with both hands and clawed scratch marks in it, as Starling informed me that BOZO the CLOWN, aka the dealership we bought the van from, did not SIGN the dang TITLE in the RIGHT place! SERIOUSLY?! REALLY?! I mean, COME OOOOON! How many delinquent people can exist in one measly state? And its a DEALERSHIP... don't they do titles EVERY day?? WHAT-EVER. I quickly cooled down to negative 10 degrees and my emotions went completely numb because they are too exhausted to maintain any kind of rise (which is working wonders for my monthly mood swings because I have no energy to SWING).

So Starling mailed the title BACK to the dealership to fix and hopefully they get it back to us PRONTO because I'm tired of having a heart attack every time I see a cop. Cops are supposed to scare bad guys, not little hopped up hormone cases that are trying to do everything by the book. But such is life. (At least MY life).

Jesse and I both had our doctor's appointments yesterday and so we traded off the girls. For some reason Brooklyn decided to have a melt down over OAT MEAL moments before Layla arrived. So when Layla walked through my front door excited to play with Brooklyn and Brooklyn was still hyperventilating because she wanted to eat the oatmeal that was practically still ablaze and I was BLOWING on it and making her FURIOUS, Layla immediately FREAKS and starts crying to which Brooklyn starts crying. Jesse and I are having NuRsErY flashbacks. So I try to attend to LAYLA so Jesse can leave and Brooklyn completely forgets about her oat meal and wants "my MOMMY! es MY MOMMY!" Jesse looks a little worried to leave her child screaming and clinging to her leg, but I assure her she'll be fine. After a few moments I take each girl's hand and say, "Who wants to ride in the wagon?" Both girls say through their sobs, "Want.. wag...on..." So I open the back door and the tears dry up IMMEDIATELY and both girls squeal as they run to the Little Tyke cars (NOT the wagon). FEMALES... I hope our boys are less DRAMATIC.

Then Jesse returned, in record time I might add, and picked up the girls so I could go to my appointment. Everything went well at the doctor. I weighed in at 139. I have officially gained, on the DOCTOR’s record, 31 pounds. WITH TWO MONTHS TO GO. BUT… I’m not sweating it. (However I am CERTAINLY FEELING IT! My stomach has to weigh 30 of those pounds and I feel like I’m going to topple over every time I stand up). My sweet GIRL doctor, Dr. Andrea Carter, told me I look good and not to worry about my weight. I assured her I couldn’t care less if I weighed 210 pounds if I could comfortably WALK. Or ROLL OVER. Or SIT UP. OR MOVE. I don’t have some skinny chic weight complex…. I’m just in physical AGONY!!! And Brighton is OBVIOUSLY uncomfortable. He acts like he has no room in there, always sitting straight up and stretching out. At any given moment I can look down and see two pointy hands sticking out the left side of my gut and two pointy feet sticking out the right side of my gut. AND let me tell YOU- THAT is NOT a NATURAL position for my poor stomach to conform to! IT HURTS!! And he is EXTRA responsive to Brooklyn’s voice. When SHE talks to him, I promise he tries to claw his way out to get to her. Brooklyn squeals in delight as my stomach lurches forward and starts ROLLING and cutting flips. I squeal in anguish! I’ve considered forbidding Brooklyn to lift my shirt every night and talk to him before going to sleep because he gets so wound up… (this could REALLY be a sign of the future….) but I never can tell her no when she says, “wanna see Bright-on, Mommee.. He-ey, Brighton! I lub you Brighton! Su-weeet Brighton…” as she lays her little face against my tumbling belly and gives her little brother kisses. So I bear it. With gritted teeth. And a lot of Tylenol.

Anyway- when I went to pick up Brooklyn, they were squealing and running in and out of Layla’s giant cardboard house that Aunt Mimi got her. We asked the girls, who were already IN their swimsuits, if they actually wanted to go swim. They did so Jesse and I got indecent and went and laid out on a blanket while the girls splashed around in a giant inflatable whale. (Well- when they weren’t jumping on top of US like little frozen ice cubes). Then they “took turns” (I’m kind of STRETCHING that phrase) on Layla’s “boown boown” electric four-wheeler.

Starling called to remind me that we had to be at a baptism for Eli Grover, our nephew, at 6 and needed to leave our house at 5 (since it’s an hour away). I looked at the clock, had a small panic attack, and made Brooklyn leave even though she didn’t want to. She told me, “Bye Mommee!”
Driving the van so Starling could practice the guitar all the way to the baptism, I felt like a pilot flying a helicopter. I got to experience Emily Boover’s 470 hair she told me about Sunday. (4 windows down at 70mph). By the time we arrived, I’m pretty sure that EVERY strand of my hair had encountered my mouth and was swooped into a knot. AND I did nothing about it. I was too busy waddling down the embankment of the Grover’s Farm because we were running LATE, as usual.

It was a mighty sweet baptism and little Eli was a sport getting baptized in the FREEZING creek! He did pop out of that water with quite a bounce. The girls sang, “I am a Child of God” which was precious. Brooklyn and Alayna, who BOTH know the song all the way through stared at the audience like to petrified trees. But when the song was over Brooklyn exclaimed, “YAY!”

Starling had to leave after the baptism in quite a rush because he had a night class at EIGHT which he failed to mention BEFORE HAND… hmmm… I wonder why. So I rode home with Stephanie. Alayna and Brooklyn were sitting in the back and Brooklyn said, “STOP it ALAYNA!!” and then we heard a thud. Alayna said, “Uh-oh… Brooklyn… You’re all WET…” And Stephi said, “ALAYNA… are you pouring water on Brooklyn?” A moment of silence then… “Well… I’m not SUPPOSED to be…” and she continued to beat around that bush until I finally took the drink away. (GIRLS learn to be sneaky at an EARLY age).

WEDNESDAY
Today was pretty terrific. I had a little girl’s day at my house. We made YUMMY Brazilian lemon aide. (which… has ZERO lemon. It has lime). I bought some little glass goblets for the occasion. (I decided the beverage would taste a little better in a nice glass instead of a plastic Chic Fil A cup…). Emily brought nachos and Stacey brought a Brazilian cake (which is like taste bud CRACK… SOOO good…). Luckily Jesse has every fancy kitchen gadget known to man (or woman) and brought her turbo blender. (I don’t know how mine would have fared grinding whole limes…) And I baked a pizza. (Store bought because I can’t COOK).

Starling earned 2023 brownie points because he cleaned the kitchen for me while I ran to Wal-Mart to buy all of my stuff. He started the mower for me so I could mow our front yard but he was watching me like a hawk and micro managing my mowing techniques until finally I gave up and let him finish mowing.

Steph, Jen, Emily, Stacey, Jesse, and I were in attendance at the Girl’s Day… hopefully the rest of our girl friends can quit their jobs soon and join our club. And we want to do it every week so ANY of you stay at home moms are welcome to join us! The more the merrier, especially if you know how to cook!

Alayna, Layla, and Brooklyn played (if you call screaming “NO!!” and “ES MINE!!!” and pushing and shoving playing…) while little Taelyn, Preston, and Ellie played sweetly NOT fighting. (BUT YOU JUST GIVE ‘EM TIME).
We girls had a great time chit-chatting. It’s amazing how I never tire of talking. (ObVIOUSLY).

Starling came home to start the mower for me and take Brooklyn with him to show some houses. I mowed the side yard and headed to the back. The mower died as the back yard is a flippin JUNGLE. I yanked and YANKED and YANKED the cord and amazingly it started. I mowed a small patch and the dang thing ran out of gas. I filled her up and, feeling proud that I cranked the mower earlier, yanked and YANKED and YANKED and yelled at and kicked and YANKED and got a running start and YANKED and QUIT. I went inside panting like an old hound dog, drank some water, and tried AGAIN! I grunted and screamed at the mower to start… I pumped the little chokey button… and about pulled my arm out of socket trying to pull the darn cord. At that point… even if the lawn mower WOULD have started, I would have been so tired and puckered out from TRYING to start out, I certainly wouldn’t have been able to PUSH it. So I called Starling to tell him, “I WANT A MOWER I CAN START!” to which he laughed and said, “You’re going to have to hit the gym before you can start a mower. That mower is NOT hard to start… only to the weak.” Ha. Ha. I’ll laugh at your little remark when I can CATCH my BREATH.

And now I’m walking around with a gimp stomach muscle or something… It hurts to stand up straight or MOVE. Did I mention I am SO over being pregnant? This pregnancy has flown by… I am 31 weeks. WHY does time have to stand still NOW when all my pants cut off my circulation, all my dresses hike up to Never Never Land, and my belly is hanging out the bottom of all my maternity shirts? I can not last NINE more weeks! That’s like an entire SEMESTER of SCHOOL! And trust me… I haven’t been graduated too long to remember how THAT is a LIFE TIME!!