AHAHAHAHAHAHHHHHHHHH@*#*$&%*!!!

Ok. My emotions have been yanked around like a sling shot for the last week and I THINK I'm out of them. (But amazingly- I KEEP saying that nothing else can surprise me and nothing else can upset me... and SOMEHOW i keep being WRONG!!)

Well- I SAID that we were leaving yesterday. AND WE DID. We left North Carolina and made our way to South Carolina where we bought the car to see what our options were with the dealer. (like- WILL YOU BUY THIS DANG THING BACK!?!) Well. The dealer talks to HIS DMV and the lady there ASSURES him that she'll take car of the situation. SOOO we just need to wait ONE more day and ALL will be well. And she gave him a WINK. (which to him AND to Starling MEANT it was a done deal). Well let me tell you what it really meant. Wink Wink- PSYCH!!! I'm FULL of CU-RAP!

So we slept last night in our CAR because I rEFUSED to sleep in the tent again thinking my comfy seats would be less wretched on my back and butt than the two inch wide sleeping pad. WELL... that MAY have been the case if I didn't have legs. or a HUGE belly. OR a Brooklyn that refused to sleep in the back seat and INSISTED on sleeping on TOP of BRIGHTON which was already squashing ME. SOOO we ended up moving everything to the front seat and Brooklyn and I crammed into the backseat. Amazingly... she STILL turned sideways and I woke up when I FELL out of the seat onto all of the food in plastic chip bags and walmart bags. The falling didn't hurt or anything... but the loud noise it made scared the FIRE out of me... probably because I was having a nightmare about a huge anaconda trying to EAT me and I was trying to run upstairs but he was catching up to me. And then, BWOOSH!! (or however you spell crinkly dorita bag EXPLODING under 130 pounds of shocked flesh)... I thought the snake had either caught me or Starling (who I was SCREAMING at in my dream to SHOOT IT!! SHOOT THE SNAKE!! and in my dream Starling kept saying, "Well- I can't shoot it INSIDE... run outside so he'll follow you out there. We'll ruin the carpet.") had FINALLY shot it as it was clamping down on me. Anyway- I couldn't really fall asleep again after that. So I went and peed outside in the grass, which I've gotten QUITE good at. In fact, since we started this little venture, I've peed outside probably 60 times. I thought it was so easy when I was little. I can still squat down easily enough, but coming back up is an entirely different story. And Starling has an incredible talent for pulling over on the interstate where there is road construction or people LOGGING... and each time I was DOWN before Starling would say, "oh dang... there's people over there."

Anyway- the lady didn't come through for us... and then Starling got a WONDERFUL call from this inspector from North Carolina. "Get your [bum] back here and I am PERSONALLY going to take care of this entire thing. I've got it all taken care of." Starling said, "Well we've already left." And the guy says... "COME BACK- I'll give you your title for FREE right now." So Starling and I REJOICED merrily, said prayers of thanksgiving, and ate Dairy Queen on a high that we weren't driving 13 hours empty handed.

WELL- we drive a couple hours, arrive, tell the dude up front that we are there to see Ken Cassidy and WHAT DO YA KNOW?? He comes out and says, "uh.. well... i'm really sorry to tell you this but uh... I actually got overrode and can't help you." You know that show called "SNAPPED"? Well. I almost made that show. Luckily the very SANE Starling was there to hold me back. And then I pulled out the water works (well- not PULLED OUT- they were EASILY there and I didn't bother holding them back because I wanted him to SEE the pain and AGONY his STUPIDITY and ARROGANCE caused us). And little Brooklyn, in her sweet little voice, complete in cute little pig tails climbed on the bench beside me and said, "Mommy... what's wrong... why are you Cu-rYE-ing?" And then she started wiping my tears for me. AND do you know what that THING said?? "Well... I'm sorry ya'll drove all the way back... but.. and I don't want to say it in front of her because she's upset, but I just got to say it... you're car is scrap metal."

LUCKILY for that man Brooklyn announced she had to go Potty. I seriously saw RED and had a moment of out of body experience where I was attached to the man's face digging his eyes out of his sockets with my fingernails... but Brooklyn's insistancy made me turn away and haul her to the bathroom.

I said a couple of "PLEASE help me control my temper" prayers in the bathroom, and walked back out. Starling met me and held me by the arm all the way to the car. (Maybe he was the answer to my prayer?) So THEN we discussed our options. The KEN CASSIDY said that they put a hold on our vin number because they are building a case against the company we bought our car from (which makes NO sense because they did nothing wrong and we think they have their company confused with the company 20 mi away with the SAME name- but he wouldn't LISTEN to us). He basically told us to go SUE our dealership in South Carolina and get all of them thrown in jail. Well... we would never do that because they did nothing wrong and have been helping us with everything.

SOOoO we decided we had to go car shopping and we did. We ran out of time and have to stay ANOTHER NIGHT (this time in a Hotel). I came in, took a hot bath, shaved every part of my body (which needed a lawn mower more than a razor), and ate a bunch of pizza. I now feel much better. We are leaving the car in South Carolina at the dealership where we bought the car for him to sale for us (bc he isn't willing to BUY it back. UGHGUGH. But WHATEVER- as long as he gets our money back). We have been looking at cars on ebay with CLEAN titles (you can only GUESS why) and hopefully we can rent a car to one of those towns to buy a VAN. WHATEVER we have to do at this point.

So my word of upliftment to all: Be grateful for the lessons you learn for FREE. Because SOME lessons are FLIPPIN EXPENSIVE!!!