My mom, who is a lover of Chic Filet like ALL NORMAL people in the U.S., went with us. She and Brooklyn checked in early while Starling and I spent the day together sight seeing... We, um.., saw WAL-MART! (which isn't as exciting as you might think. BUT WAIT! we bought tangerines!) We also looked through the plant nursery trying to decide what to plant in our yard for landscaping purposes. And I can't tell because every plant I saw is like an inch tall. HOW do I know what my finished yard will look like when they are size: microscopic? (YES I read the card attached to the plant that tells you how big the dern thing will get but I need to SEE it to grasp the REAL perspective). PLUS... will I kill the plant BEFORE it gets big? (Sometimes I do NOT like being a Do-It-My-Selfer).
We then went to some Pawn-Shop thing in the run-down ghetto where they sold GOLD and GUNS. I walked in first, saw the selection in one glance, and attempted to bolt but STARLING had already seen the guns. SIGH! (He is on some GUN kick that is as annoying as his MOTORCYCLE obsession..). AND so HERE the worker dude and STARLING go about guns... "This 'un here is a beauty... a steal..." BLA BLA BULL BLA... So I glance at the rings which all look dingy, but I try to act excited when Starling tells the guy to let me try on one of them that looks like an engagement ring. (bc I ALWAYS need a second engagement ring... I won't even wear a wedding band. I told Starling I wanted "A" as in SINGULAR engagement ring and that it would ALSO serve as my wedding band. You'd THINk he'd be the happiest man alive... but he's ALWAYS trying to find good deals on rings). Anyway... as beautiful as two engagement rings looked on my hand, I opted NOT to beg and plead for it.
When I finally drug Starling from there, (bc he was BOUND and DETERMINED to buy something that we didn't need), we went on an even more extravagent hot spot. DIRT CHEAP. My mom saved me on that exit strategy because she told me Chic Filet was about to serve dinner. But we couldn't LEAVE before buying a Wal-Mart bag full of batteries. (which is actually a good purchase considering all the toys Brooklyn has that suck batteries like a straw).
We returned to Chic Filet for the chicken nugget party and "told" Eric and Steph, who were on their way with Jena and Whitney, to chop chop because the Chic Filet counter was on number 74. (ONly the first 100 get a year supply of free chic filet). They were three hours away and we were lying through our teeth. We were really on number 40 something. So we sat around laughing at their panic. (We should probably work on being nicer or something).
Chic Filet had a live band jamming out to KLove songs (which I happen to listen to and LOVE). And then some employee chic bought and brought Starling and me Hand Spuns. (So naturally we were in Heaven because they have THE best ice cream pROBably.. no DEFINITELY on planet earth).
We then began to panic for our late friends as we saw thirty people line up.. and they just kept coming. When they finally showed up they were numbers 99, 100, 101, and 102. The defeat was written all over their sad little faces. BUT- like good troopers- they decided to stay in hopes that sOMEHOW, someWAY they would FORCE someone to leave and steal their spot. (which is essentially what happened but that is another story entirely). After the last roll call TWO people had left the premises and our entire group got free chic filet. WOO-DEE-HOO!!!
Some highlights of the Chic Filet night:
STEPHANIE trying to ROLL a hula-hoop onto a coke bottle..
Eric, Starling, my mom, and I racing against several other teams to suck M&M's to the end of a straw and RUN it down to an awaiting cup, drop it in without using hands, run back and get another M&M. Of course we lost miserably. We had 2 prego's on our team! How unfair was THAT... I had to get down on my hand and knees everytime (like everyone else) and drop the m&m into the cup on the ground. The problem is... once I got down there it was like heaving a cow out of the mud trying to get back up!
THEN we all played a chair, scavenger-hunt thing, which was fabulous. We raced around trying to find the things being called out and return to our chair before it got yanked out from under us. AND I WOULD'VE WON had some chic not climbed underneath my lowering bum to push me out of the way. (I should've sat on her and that would have put an end to her climbing underneath VERY pregnant people). But I lasted awhile anyway. I account that to ZUMBA and its preparing my legs to keep pumping no matter how jelly-like they become.
Brooklyn seeing the two giant cows dancing and frolicking through the parking lot. She excitingly exclaimed, "MOMMAY!! Es a COW!! Moo! Moo! Es dancing! Look!" and then having an immediate melt-down panic attack as the cow came up to her. Her glee turned to horror in less than .324's of a second. She started screaming, "NOOOO!! Don't WANT IT! Don't WANT IT COW!!" And of COURSE when I try to video it, the dang cow won't participate.
I kept telling him, "Okay... now come around behind her and let me get her reaction." Everytime she's pucker up, he'd LEAVE! I told him I'd be going cow tipping later, under my breath. People and their unwillingness to give me a funny home video! Do you know what I could do with Funniest Home Video money?? Get my yard landscaped with real plants for starters...
Then they set up a HUGE screen and played "Dispicable Me". I looked around and only Brooklyn and I were still up from our little group of party poopers. Then even Brooklyn ditched me, "Want Mia." And I thought me saying, "Well Mia went night night. Do you want to go night night?" that she would say NO... but she yawned and said, "Yesh. want night-night with Mia." So i stuck her in my mom's tent and crawled in next to Starling. It took me about fifteen minutes to zip up my sleeping bag. I felt like a caterpillar trying to wrap up in a cacoon (however I did NOT feel like a butterfly emerging OUT of the sleeping bag the next morning).
With bedhead, no make-up, and morning breath from down under, everyone was told to line up at 5:00 a.m.
OH! and they told us the bathrooms would be closing in 15 min. (telling that to a pregnant woman who's child must find great joy in using her BLADDER as a trampoline is similar to telling a child the only candy store in town is burning down). So I waddled to stand in the huge bathroom line to get my pee on.
Then the pots and pans banged and the cows mooed and the ribbon was cut! And all of us, clad in our bran new EXTRA LARGE t-shirts, (which fits me a little better than I'd like to admit) hurried through to receive our box of coupons. (its the closest thing i've come to WALKING at a graduation, since I skipped ALL three of mine, to my mothers chagrin... no pictures of me in cap and gown...) But she got to PROUDLY watch me receive my coupons. (Tear, tear).
What a proud day! And Brooklyn was the cherry on top! Dressed to the part of the CHIC, she exclaimed boldly (and kind of creepily if you think about it...) "Eat more tichen! Eat more tichen!" (Starling told her she should be saying eat cow.. or don't eat ME... but she didn't get it). And I wanted to get a video of her as the chicken next to the cow screaming her famous, "don't want it! don't want it!" but unfortunately she woke up NO longer afraid of the cow and was merrily giving the cow five and "some stin" (skin). AND that was cute, too. (but not half as funny).
We then left to make our way back home. We only had ONE peradventure when my mom and I walked out of the gas station to see Starling cleaning his wind shield while gas errupted out of his gas tank. My mom hurriedly cut it off, thank goodness. Starling was CompLETELY oblivious. I figure, by the intensity of gasoline shooting out and the amount on the ground AND the amount of gallons we had to pay for that Starling's car can't hold... we could have filled up our lawn mower about three times. (but instead we filled the parking lot). Hope noone drops a cigarrette!
And of course I couldn't WAIT to unpack when I got home!! (sarcasm. and I didn't). I went to SLEEP and eventually Brooklyn joined me. Poor Starling took a shower and went to school. I am SOOO glad that I am done with college! I repeat SO GLAD! (but more power to Starling for getting his Master's. I'm very proud of him! and glad its not me).
I know that you wish you would have gone with us. AND you'll get your chance in JUNE! There is another grand opening coming up. (I'll probably be in a wheelchair at it since I'll have JUST had my baby... but I'll be there... go ahead and count your chickens).
No comments:
Post a Comment