Whale Watching

I feel like I should start my blogs with "Dear Diary" because essentially I am using absolutely no filter (says Starling who just read my last blog. hee hee...) Anyway... today was just gorgeous so OF COURSE I wanted to be outside.

WELL... as you know I'm a thousand pounds (give or take) and I don't give a rat's tail. I get that I gain enormous amounts of weight when I'm pregnant and so I've moved on. HOWEVER, everyone knows that fat looks better tan. And everyone ALSO knows that tanning beds cause cancer. Well, that's never stopped me from tanning in a bed, I'm sad to say, but being prego HAS... Therefore, this RADIANT sunshine GLORIOUSLY appearing in the dead of WINTER has been my own little personal MIRACLE.

I carried me a blanket into my backyard and found a nice spot behind the pool where no neighbors or passerbys could see me, and laid it out. I then put on the maternity swimsuit I bought in Destin AFTER I was over being pregnant but thinking of the future. Well... putting it on was kind of like... trying to squeeze a watermelon into a coke bottle. Needless to say... IT DIDN'T fit. SIGH... so I did what any innovative person would do. I put on a two piece swim suit (no belly restrictions) and pulled a shirt over the top. PERFECT! I looked both ways leaving my back door. CLEAR. I hurriedly ran (or trotted like a horse that's been shot in the leg) to my blanket and laid down.

My neighbor kid came over and wanted to swim in my pool (even though its sub zero and isn't clean). Brooklyn immediately starts having a melt down about swimming and so I say, "SURE! Ya'll go RIGHT ahead and swim" thinking that they would stick in their toes in and freak. NOPE... Brooklyn LIKED it. So Brooklyn sat on the ladder and played with the neighbor kid. I got nice and comfy on my blanket.

Starling came home in between showing houses and was keeping an eye on the girls, so I fell asleep. After thirty minutes or so of snoring under the lustrous sun, I woke up to male voices. I glanced up and immediately DIED of mortification as I see Starling, my DUDE neighbor, and Starling's DUDE CLIENT standing in our back yard working on our lawn mower.

Is Starling NUTS?? He could have at least told me to MOVE my blanket or he could have MOVED the dang mower to the other side of the yard. Or he could have at least WOKE me up so I could make the decision if a tan is worth the humiliation of never being able to show my face in my own neighborhood... I could have wrung his neck!

I whisper to my neighbor kid, "How long have they BEEN HERE???" She shrugged.. "A WHI-LE." UGHGHG... "What are they DOING? Whale watching?? Shammoo only flips every thirty minutes!"