The Booger WOE- Man

So... if you know me AT ALL, then you know I'm NOT normal. That's a fact I live with and have no qualms about admitting. SOOO naturally, my relationship with my husband is peculiar as well.

For example... most girls get thier thrills by shopping sprees and gossip circles... and yeh- I guess those things are alright. But ME?? I get my thrills by scaring the pee pee out of my husband. We have been married for almost five years and we dated for over a year so the way I figure... I've scared at least 3 years off Starling because HALF to death equals about that. And I don't stress about "what am I going to do next to top last time!?" No, no, no... I am just ALWAYS prepared for that perfect moment to pounce.

Starling worked VERY diligently on prepping our house to paint Saturday. He was tired and whining because he "hurt all over." I tried to be sympathetic and listen to his moaning and groaning about cowboy crotch and a broken wrist. I gave him peace and quiet while he filled the juccuzzi with steaming hot water, lit the candles we always use in our bathroom, and turned on some relaxing music.

Starling was in there FOREVER and (another thing about me) I like to TALK!! So I was getting antsy and tired of waiting for him to get OUT so I could converse with him about ANYTHING (bc I can talk about nothing for hours or something for 10 hrs... I'm just desperate for conversation after being with a one year old ALL day). I called to Starling, "How LONG are you going to stay in there?? Until you're a PRUNE??" No answer. So I march my waddling hiney into the bathroom and... it was a perfect moment I COULD not RESIST. I didn't care that Starling had worked all day... I didn't care that he was exhausted... I didn't care that Starling was completely and totally relaxed... the moment had risen when I could get a SUPERB thrill! I couldn't pass it up.

Starling's head was under water. It was completely dark with only the shadows darting from the candle flame. He had no idea I was in the bathroom, let alone leering over his head like a cat watching his prey. I got into position in record time (no time to waste). I crouched down lowering my face inches from his. I contorted my face into a mask of utter HORROR.

Starling's face lifted. "phew" he groaned as he used his hands to wipe the water from his eyes. "Ahh" he relaxed again against the tub.

And then it happened. He opened his eyes. "EHAHAHEIAHGIAH" I shrieked into his face. "AHAHAHGIHAIHGIAh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" He screeched like a school girl that just got thrown on top of a snake. He punched outward with his sore wrist.

Now... terrorizing someone isn't something an amateur can do without consequence. It takes skill, patience, quick judement, and most importantly... quick reflexes. One must be able to anticipate the victims reaction and DART out of the victims punching range. Luckily, I'm a professional and knew to yank my face back. Unfortunately.. my giant gut restricted my complete body removal and Starling's fist socked me right in the eye... but not too hard.. It didn't much hurt me.. but, as I said, he used his SORE wrist so it sent him writhing in pain. Again... I didn't care. I cackled and crowed and mocked him for 45 minutes straight.

And as usual Starling had the audacity to rebuke me. "waa waa waa waa..." who knows what he actually said... something about "one day you're going to get hurt... you're lucky you moved..." yata yata... But, like all thrills... sky diving, motorcycle racing, bungie jumping... there is ALWAYS a risk. I'll never let the risk of a black eye or a bloody nose stop me from doing what I love... putting terror into the ones I care about most.