Birf-day

I seriously have the most awesome, and perhaps CRAZIEST, friends/family. SOOO for my birthday I got woken up by a screeching, "HAPPY BIRF-DAY, MOMMy!!!!" From Brooklyn as a gift bag conked the side of my head simultaneously. "THIS IS FOR YOU!!!" And then Brooklyn RIPPED the bag open for me and said, "OH MOMMY! ITS SO BEAUTIFUL!" She was NOT referring to the silver IPOD inSIDE the bag... she was referring to the fuzzy yellow "chicken" (which was NOT a chicken, mind you) ON the bag.

THEN Starling handed me my FAVORITE, most desirable above all edibles, BREAKFAST: an apple fritter from Do-nut Grove. (I don't even LIKE apple fritters... simply because I'm not the hugest fan of cinnamon. BUT I will just about gnaw off my ARM to get to one of Do-nut Groves expertly fried in sugary BLISS, melt in your mouth, have to reign your tongue in, need a napkin to sop up the drool, apple fritters). NOTE: MUST microwave for 10-15 seconds to get optimum results. (which starling DID). I was purring like a kitten. I BARELY paused to rip the giant 2 and 5 out of the do-nut before I took my next bite. Starling was probably wondering why he bothered giving my the ipod when I seemed SO much more excited about the LESS than a dollar goody. (My heart is much closer to my stomach than normal females... esPECIALLY first thing in the morning).

Once I downed a glass of ice-cold milk, I was able to examine the IPod. I know that most everyone, including Starling, already has an IPod and they are old news. Technologically challenged WENDI has never desired one until I started piddling at the gym, and gave up on how to work the thing in less than sixty seconds. Starling promised he'd put all the songs on it for me and I could just push play. THAT sounded like a plan.

OH. We got the hugest bill EVER for our electricity or AIR. We quickly figured out that when your air conditioner runs ALL DAY and is BROKEN so your house never COOLS down... it still uses electricity. Starling probably already knew that. BUT since I'm the one always at home... with all the doors wide open while the kids and I run in and out and MRS. NEVER pay attention to the AIR... never realized that it was staying ON and until Starling mentioned it to me... that the house was simmering. NOW I easily recognize the LATTER.

So a couple girls from my ward (church ward not psych ward) showed up at my house for us to make hair bows. I felt SOOO bad that I FORGOT to mention my air was out. (That's something most people want to know so they can find ANY excuse NOT to visit you!) Starling, the sweet and thoughtful man that he is (MOST of the time) moved our kitchen table into our den where we have a small air conditioner unit and we did our craft in there. Besides the children crawling up our legs like little monkeys trying to swing on VINES, we were able to learn a LOT! I can make a HAIR BOW!! No more giving $8 bucks to Wal Mart every time Starling takes Brooklyn somewhere without me. (BEING because I always send Brooklyn WITH a bow... Starling always brings her back WITHOUT a BOW... and looks at me like I'm asking him where the UFO landed when I inquire about it). SO, for all you owners of GIRL mammals... children, dogs, rabbits... send your dollars MY way! I'll make you WHATEVER hair bow you WANT! And I'll only charge you SEVEN dollars! lol- I won't charge you that much. Like SIX... fifty... or four... DEPENDS- JUST give me a HOLLA! Your money can go to feeding the poor (my family) instead of funding China. JUST SAYING.

Okay.. back to my BIRTHDAY. WHICH was yesterday, by the way. Jessie brought me a giant loaf of pumpkin bread and pumpkin cookies. She stuck a candle in the middle of that bread and I got sang to by all my girlies. SOOO sweet! AND yummy! A card was also included. Brooklyn RIPPED the card open and said, "I GOTTA LETTER!" She read it to me, "...a whale. A whale named Monstro. But he's alive! He's at the top of the bottom of the sea." (Yeah. Pinocchio).

THEN she ran to me with a card from the mail. It was from the ladies in Relief Society -our lady church group/sisterhood- (THANK you Sister Snyder!!) I finally got to read it when BROOKLYN was done reading about the whale. NOW she has taken OVER the card calling it her magical butterfly letter (since its in the shape of a sparkly butterfly).

I finally checked my phone. Curious. Nothing on it. When I attempted to text someone- "radio is not on" flashed on my phone. SO I turned it back on and fourteen happy birthdays flashed on my screen. THANKS to ALL!! MADE my DAY! And I had some voice mails, one from Boston singing me happy birthday. LOVE!!! I want to save that forever. Sooo sweet!

THEN I actually got DRESSED and Starling drove me to do all of my errands- buy out Hobby Lobby's ribbon department, tutu material, alligator clips, etc... THEN he bought me some new tennis shoes (because the four pair I have just aren't at the store on SALE anymore...) I like them! VERY comfy. AND he bought him a pair. (WHICH- if you saw ALL of HIS tennis shoes you'd say, "WHY does he have that many shoes??" and then "why doesn't he buy a new pair of SHOES?") He has many pairs of tennis shoes... ALL WELL USED. In fact, one pair, that he used to work on concrete at one of his client's houses, was SO disgusting I decided to wash them. WELL. I succeeded in making an ENTIRE load of laundry smell like rotten toe jam.

The kiddos and I got the privilege of sitting in on one of Starling's business transactions at the Shed. Starling was buying property or something. So then when all documents were signed, Starling said, "K, Lets roll." Next thing I know Brooklyn is ON the GROUND. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! Get off the FLOOR!" Brooklyn, looking like a deflated balloon, softly explains, "But I jus wanted to roll..." OH MY. I don't know what we are going to do with that child. It reminded me of when we were at CiCi's and Brooklyn wanted to put the red pepper on Starling's pizza. She turned it over and nothing was coming out. Starling told her, "Shake it!" She turned it back upright and was shaking it all over the place. LIKE I do her chocolate milk. Upright. Where nothing comes out. Poor thing. I was hoping she didn't get the air from my head BUT I'm seriously starting to wonder...

We THEN went to my parents house where they had my THREE favorite pizzas from my ONE favorite PIZZA place. Pizza HUT. CHEESE, BBQ, and Onions and Bell Pepper. I ate until I looked pregnant and then Starling brought out my birthday cake. A GINORMOUS, as big as the table, Chocolate Chip Cookie cake from Classic Cookie. (Starling's FAVORITE place on earth besides Dirt Cheap). My dad also had home made fudge. OMG. SOOOO I ate until I looked nine MONTHS pregnant. Then Brooklyn ran to me with another gift back screaming, "HAPPY BIRFDAY, MOMMY!!!" and again, she screamed, "I GOTTA LETTER!" And aGAIN she read out that Gepetto got swallowed by a whale but he was alive at the bottom of the sea inside of Monstro. She slammed the card shut. "OKAY guys... we haf to find him." My parents got me two 16gb camera cards which was PERFECT because my camera card was FULL and they had to GIVE me their gift so that I could take PICTURES of Brooklyn giving me my gift.

Then I got a suspicious phone call asking when I'd be home. And then like 4 consecutive texts asking if I was almost home. SOOO I went home. My house was all dark and we made like FOUR trips inside to get all of our stuff. I was going on about how our house smelled like a nursing home... all stale and OLD with NO air circulation... Then I turned on the lights... rounded the corner and "RRRRAAAA!!!" I did a quick rendition of Fred Flinstone's twinkle toe bowling moves as I screamed and got out of the way. Kaylee and Susan Humphreys had been crouched in the dark. In the smoldering house. For like EVER. Susan hadn't been brave enough to wait under our covers in the bedroom like Kaylee had suggested. (Even though I wish they had. #1 that DEFINITELY would have scared me more, and #2 when I climbed under the covers with them without any drawers on they would have been EQUALLY terrified!) WELL- probably good that they didn't...

ANYWAY- I was thrilled to see them! AND they brought me a ginormous bag of Pretzel M&M's. (My FAVS!!) I did NOT go work out even though I ate my weight in junk food. I instead stayed up REALLY late with Starling and the kids singing, "I Got No Strings to Hold me Down! To Make me Fret To make me Frown!" At the top of our lungs with Brooklyn periodically injecting, "LOUDER!!!" Since all of our windows our open on account of it being a THOUSAND degrees cooler OUTSIDE than in our HOUSE, I'm certain that every neighbor was joyfully dancing to our screeching harmony at two a.m.

I woke up tweeky... as I'm self weaning myself OFF of the meds the doc gave me in an attempt to stabilize my moods.. that did NOT work. So now I feel like a chipmunk on speed. A Jackle and Hyde chipmunk on speed. I have been doing my very OWN research using my VAST and GLOWING psychology education I received from the Big ole SOUTHERN MISS to self diagnose and self medicate. I KNOW... every doctor's WORSE NIGHTMARE... a patient that thinks they know more than THEM. WELL- its pretty obvious that antidepressants do NOT work. On Me. Hmmm... could have something to do with the fact that I am FAR from DEPRESSED! BUT whatever... who am I to say I'm not depressed... what do I know? I'm just with me 24 hours a day. I am just MOODY. Unnaturally so. SOOOO with all my super ups and once a month psycho DOWNS- I think I need a mood stabilizer. The most recommended? Lithium? YIKERS... that word sounds like LETHAL. Ummm... not really what I want coursing through my breastfeeding, want to get pregnant again, veins. SOOO I did MORE research. I was glad that I did my due diligence in that treacherous Neuro-psychology class that I thought was going to send me into a coma for TWO reasons: one- brain overload... two- boredom.

My medications that I have self- prescribed MYSELF are 400 mg Magnesium (which supposedly attach themselves to the same synapse(I KNOW what that word means from that class) that lithium does- all natural. NO side effects) and 1,000 mg of FISH OIL. A few tests have shown that Omega 3 does in fact work as a mood stabilizer. Of course, no one is dumping gobs of money into proving it since its not up for a Patton and WHAT drug company wants to prove that an over the counter med that costs next to NOTHING works when they can charge a lung and a leg for their DRUG??... and THEN have a doctor prescribe six of their OTHER pat-toned drugs to help with the SIDE-EFFECTS. Yeah. SOOO I'm playing the test rat. I'll keep ya posted. I just wish a doctor would prescribe me a Xanax as my chill pill when I feel the crazy brewing to take the edge off. BUT I only have to wait, or should I say.... STARLING and the CHILDREN only have to wait TWO months to see if my hypothesis of Magnesium and Fish Oil work. If it does WOO HOO!!! If is DOESN'T... then I guess I'll suck it up and go see a shrink. The ultimate defeat to a psychiatrist Wanna-Be.

BUT- while I've been a hyped up, the world is my cracker, happy go lucky teenager with mommy's credit card person- I've written a LOT of music! So there are SOME perks to being completely off one's bar stool... creativity oozing out the nostrils. (Although that sounds less like a perk and more like- go get a tissue and wipe up that mess). SOOO I just need someone who would just LOVE to RECORD all my creativity for ME! For uh... NOT $50 an hour... I only charge $5 an hour for babysitting... ya see how that makes it IMPOSSIBLE for me to pay that much?? Here's my proposal.

"Dear Person who is AWESOMELY talented. You probably have TONS of paying SINGER people at your disposal that ALL want some original music to record. For a MERE *you record all of my music for free and give me a CD of me singing it all* YOU can HAVE *after I have my music copywrited* ALL the access to my songs for your PAYING clients. They can get FAMOUS off my songs and ALL I want in return? ROYALTIES! SEE what a good DEAL THAT IS!!?? AND I'll DEFINITELY blog about you! FREE advertisement! And... I'll trade you.. PICTURES! I will do your studio photo shoots for FREE! See?? And I'll throw in some free canvases to put on your walls and make your studio PIMP! -Thank you Mr. Incredible. Do Call!! -Wendi 601.270.5080"

I take calls from 6 in the morning until 6 in the morning. Sooo yeah. That would be... ANYTIME! I really want to get to rock n rolling with this mess!

Okay- somehow I ventured WAY away from my topic at hand... BIRTHDAY... yeah. So today- since Starling forbade me from driving- (something about he just wanted me to give it a few days while I'm easing off those blasted meds)- I was loafing around at home doing boring stuff like laundry and dishes and NOT so boring stuff like drawing up plans to redecorate my whole house- and remodel the yard into part of our house- my friend Lacey came over. She's my Visiting Teacher- so great! Way to do your calling! (Church and church stuff is kinda my THANG, if you haven't noticed.... I kind of LOVE it). So SHE brought me a bag of CHOCOLATE- Twix, 3 muskateers, snickers, milky ways... my FAVORITES!! And then WHITNEY, my other friend who half the people from our elementary thought we were the same person, came over and brought me MORE goodies! Cookies! And some smell goods and lip stuff, AND another card about a whale and he's alive and being at the bottom of the sea. (It actually had a picture of Whit and me... I claimed the stick figure with long hair and told her she could be the stick with the fro... that explained our line of communication... something along the lines of AIR...). And TOMORROW my friend Mauri is taking me to get a Pedi and dinner! After I eat all the goodies I may be the size of a Cane Brake house, but I will have PRETTY TOE NAILS!! THANKS to ALL my INCREDIBLE friends! (that all want to make me fat). YOU ROCK!!!