I am a LITTLE excited! We MAY have committed RENTERS for our house!! This is fantastic because NOW we have a DEADLINE to actually FINISH it!

I have been accused one or two times of being impatient. (Maybe more like three...)...

And so the SAME day our HOPEFUL renters decided to rent our house, I excitedly told Starling that WE (I obviously didn't think that part through) were going to go pick out travertine for our backsplash in the kitchen.

My excitement. AND good mood. melted like chocolate left stuck to a leather seat of a mini van during a MS summer. (Not that I know ANYTHING about that).

I THOUGHT we would ONLY have four kids, but Isaiah's pink eye was STILL festery, so he couldn't go to school for the 7th day in a ROW. With only one kid down and FIVE to manage... shopping for travertine became a very unpleasant, unproductive, humiliating, flustering, NEED THERAPY AFTER kind of endeavor.

Immediately two boys needed to pee. Starling, of course, was engrossed in deep conversation with the worker man about how much travertine they had in stock and how much travertine they would have to order. I left one buggy load of children WITH Starling and attempted to take the other two boys to pee. What actually ensued, was two boys high tailing it as soon as their feet hit the concrete (like fire or a snake was caught in their drawers) through the store while I, horrified, tried to WHISPER yell at the back of their heads from 10 aisles away. They completely ignored me, Isaiah darting around customers and workers, tripping old people and Peyton dangling far behind, but in hot pursuit.

I was trying to walk/run after them without looking anymore conspicuous than I already was. I smile/growled and apologized to people as I followed their trail. Of course, they had NO idea WHERE they were running, since they didn't even wait for directions. And just when I got them cornered I happened to glance behind me to see Boeing, who had climbed OUT of the buggy, trotting as fast as his little chubby legs could go, face planting, returning to run, bumping into people.

I directed the two full bladder boys towards the bathroom and tried to grab Boeing. That little fart ran around me and followed the boys into the bathroom. The MEN'S bathroom.

I didn't have a choice. Isaiah and Peyton ran out of the bathroom. Boeing did not. I had to go in. Strange looks from some men double checking to see if they were in the right place? Yes. There were urinals. Mortification on my face? Yes. Plenty.

I retrieved my children. And we had a blissfully SHORT and not so SWEET talk.

We walked TOGETHER back to Starling. The children were returned to the shopping carts.

I was taking deep breaths, counting to fifty, focusing on "the good," but exactly TWO seconds after I turned my head to face Starling's mini masterpiece of travertine he had laid on the ground, Boeing was OUT of the buggy giggling like a wild ban chi. I took off after him. Isaiah took that opportunity to get ALL the children ready for a game of hide and seek. I thought I might KILL someone.

OH! And during all of this I am getting calls from my Craigslist people. I pulled a play out of my grandma's handbook, threatened to ruin my children's life and everything they hold dear if they so much as wiggled their feet at the shelves content. They believed me because I never lie. I hauled Boeing outside with me to sell some belts, then had to DRIVE to CVS to sell some lady $40 worth of Barbie crap because she didn't know how to FIND Home Depot. OR how to tell time. But ANY-WAY.

I quickly informed Starling that I was taking all five children to the car and he could come back. WITHOUT us.

So we left, and Starling bought everything at Lowes despite our Home Depot coupon because they had better travertine. (Passing up coupons is a difficult thing for my family. But taking care of an impatient wife bouncing up and down like a Chihuahua, makes hard choices a little easier).

LOOONG story short, Lowe's got everything in today and Starling picked it up.

Today is Friday. Today is date night. TODAY WENDI Beeeegggeed to travertine our kitchen for date night. (I call that eager. Not impatient).

So we ARE! I am so happy! Because once we are ALL finished with the inside, we can FINALLY work on the OUTSIDE. (Which- if you've seen it, is HIDEOUS)!

And then! When our house is completely finished and all "prettied up" as Brooklyn says, we'll do what we ALWAYS do- MOVE out!

But this time it will be to a fully furnished apartment in Cozumel instead of another fixer upper.

Dear Starling,

You are a wonderful husband that I obviously do NOT deserve. Thank you for never telling me no to my goals and dreams, even when you'd be completely  justified in doing so.

Dear Kids,

PLEASE, just relax and enjoy watching a movie before bedtime so Mommy can help Daddy beautify our kitchen. I don't have medication strong enough to keep me in check. IF. You. Don't.

Dear God,

Thank you for giving Starling patience since You didn't see fit to give me any.