The Last Days...

All I have to say is I'm glad my stomach doesn't have any seems, BECAUSE they would have burst a LONG time ago. I accidently caught a glimpse in the LONG mirror at church today. Didn't need to see what an Elephant looks like in a dress.

BUT, Thursday I went to the doctor and after some INTENSE examination, more shoving of an ARM than examining, Dr. Carter said, "Well you are ALMOST a two." (Seriously... I thought if she stuck her hand up there again, after she'd been up to her elbow, she'd plainly see "I am NOW at a SIX")... She did say that she "helped me out", though nothing going on in that visit FELt very helpful. The doc told me that she'd be on call Friday and Sunday, so feel free to go into labor on those days. I said, "Friday as in TOMORROW?? What time do you want to induce me... I've got NO plans for tomorrow!" She gave me the courtesy laugh and said, "You want to be induced?" I actually DON'T WANT to be induced... but since LaBOR isn't just slamming at my door, then I think it is a NECCESSITY for both my sanity and my poor body.

"WELL... I tell you what... I'll see you on Tuesday and then maybe we can induce Thursday... I won't be on call again until the end of the month." I could have kissed the lady, or bear hugged her, or given her some of my chocolate chip cookie dough I so fondly hoard. "THURSDAY... a week away.. LIGHT at the end of the Burmuda Triangle!" Then she told me, "It all depends on Tuesday, though... so don't get your hopes up." Can you really tell a nine month pregnant lady to NOT get her hopes up when you are talking about REMOVING the little person that is causing 6 nightly pee's, the horse riding waddle, the internal bruising, the ruin of ALL good clothes, the heartburn, the indigestion, the feet swelling, the back cramps, the muscle spasms, the varicose veins, the sheer AGONY and TERROR of scale stepping or mirror checking, the exhaustion, the moodiness, the hot flashes, and all the OTHER wonderful side effects of pregnancy??? I THINK NOT!! So I told her, “My hopes are up. You’re inducing me Thursday. I’m putting it on my calendar.” She said, “Well… I wouldn’t tell you it’s a possibility if I couldn’t be persuaded.” Oh I’ll be very crafty in my persuasion. If my CERVIX isn’t persuasive enough, me sitting on her while she’s begging for air should be.

Anyway- I had TONS of errands to run, and I'd PLANNED to take care of them AFTER my appointment.. But, of course, THAT didn't happen. I limped out of the doctor's office to my van with a smile plastered on my face that could be seen by a passing airplane. I moaned as I tried to sit upright in my seat and giggled through my discomfort, absolutely GIDDY that I wasn’t going to have to wait until the 21st to have this kid. The 12th is a MUCH better combination of the numbers 1 and 2. I waddled into my house and flopped my giant midsection onto my bed and took the most glorious nap imaginable.

Friday I found some cute nautical decorations on Craig’s list for a REALLY good price and bought them out. (Luckily Starling forgot his wallet with cash in it so I could pay for it all. I noticed that Saturday he REMEMBERED his wallet). He had class ALL Thursday, Friday, and Saturday. (I HATE when he has class all day long). Also the GREATEST thing that could ever happen (other than me giving birth earlier than this Thursday) happened Friday. My BLINDS came in!! And HOW GLORIOUS they look covering my windows!

Starling and I stayed up VERY late and hung them all and that night when I woke up to pee for the 3rd time, I tiptoed into my kitchen, realized I didn’t have to because I had BLINDS, flipped on the light, and got water for the first time NOT in the dark. And the next day I got out of the shower, made a mad dash in my towel to get my robe and then… realized I HAD BLINDS and stopped. I ripped my towel off and did a VERY graceful dance that I coin the “Look at me! I got BLINDS- OH YOU CAN’T SEE ME ANYMORE? ‘cause- I Got BLINDS!” And when the knock, knock came at my door and I went to duck and pretend I wasn’t home so I didn’t have to babysit neighbor kids… I realized THEY CAN’T SEE ME when they plaster their little faces against my window ‘cause- YOU GUESSED IT- I got BLINDS!!! The euphoria I feel every time I look at my covered windows can only be described as this: Getting a Bathroom door for the first time. It’s absolute liberation. I seriously may never wear clothes again. And when the neighbor kids are outside playing in my yard and climbing all over my stuff… I don’t CARE because I can’t SEE them! Out of sight… out of mind…

And Saturday night Brooklyn wanted to take a “fam-li-ly walk.” We walked all around the neighborhood and the one next to ours. Brooklyn started in the stroller, which she LOVES to ride in, but she also wanted to walk Charkley. I let her hold his leash while in the stroller but after we ran him over the third or fourth time, decided that wasn’t a good idea. So she opted to walk so she could hold the leash. She kept getting tangled up and I was waiting for her to face plant at any moment, so I told her she had to hold my hand (SO at least I could ATTEMPT to catch her). “NO, Mommy, Mommy!”

“Brooklyn, we don’t TELL Mommy NO. Now hold my hand.” So she said, in her very “big girl” voice, that she uses when trying to REASON with me. “Mommy… I’m TOO bi-ig.” Starling and I tried not to DIE. I wished she thought she was TOO bi-ig to get LUGGED around on my HIP… or what used to be my hip before it metamorphosized into a giant beach ball.

I know it is probably just my lack of energy and therefore lack of patience, but the child has been driving me bonkers. It’s because we’ve been cooped up inside because I just can’t DO much outside without nearly passing out. She’s now in LOVE with “Yi-Yay-yo” or DIEGO and now favors him over Dora. And she wants to vegetate in front of the tv with the goofiest grin on her face. And while it is SOOO tempting to just LET her, I am TRYING to limit tv time and MAKE myself take her outside and play, which she’d much rather do. Her new thing is saying, “No way…” And when she asks for a drink (so SPECIFIC) and I try to give her one, she says in the silliest little voice, “No way, Mommy” and she giggles and thinks she’s hilarious. And so I ask her WHICH drink she wants, which becomes an immediate game, and she says through her laughter, “No way, Mommy! Want that one… No way, Mommy… THAT one.” I don’t like that game. It’s a VERY frustrating GAME.

And I can’t do ANYTHING without her giving me a PLAY by PLAY of what she IS or IS ABOUT to be doing. She asked for a cupcake (well actually she ASKED for an ice-cream truck but was pointing to the cupcake) and so I gave her one (after we played the NO WAY about WHICH cupcake she WANTED) and I left the room to finish laundry.

“MOM-MAY!!”
“Yes, ma’am?”
“I want to bi-ite my cup-cay-ake!”
“OK… go ahead!”
“MOMMAY!”
“YES MA’AM??”
“I got MESSY on my FINg-DER!”
“LICK it OFF!”
“MOMMAY- I LICKED da MESSY off my FING-DER! I need a NAPT-KIN!”
“In a minute. Just finish your cupcake.”
“MOMMAY! Dis is MY cup-cake!”
“No kidding! Stop talking and EAT it!”
“Mommay! Chark-tley can’t have my cup-cake! Es MINE, OTAY Mommy?”
And this conversation lasted through an entire LOAD of laundry. I was ready to throw the rest of the cupcakes against the WALL by the time she said, “MOMMAY! Ur all DU-one! Want to Wash UR HAY-ANDS!” I made her have DADDY time after that.

And I’ve been having to put her in time out again… she was being SOOO good for a long spell, there, but this week has been random FREAK-OUTS and going ballistic over DUMB stuff. (I wonder where she gets that from… hmmm… I should have a time out place for me, too… but it’d be a reward more than a punishment). Usually when I put her in the crib (the time out spot) she cries and CRIES and BEGS for mercy. But today, when she went crazy about having a LID on her cup, I put her in time out for her to have time to remember to ask me in her BIG girl voice, she stopped her whining immediately. I poked my head in to see WHY she wasn’t traumatized and she merrily said, “Mommy, look! I found a heart! And look! Es a squa-AIR!” Pillows. Her little matching crib-set pillows. She’s never NOTICED them before. I said, “Are you ready to come out of Time Out?” She had to THINK about it and said, “Otay… I wanna bring my heart and squ-air wif us.” And she was good as gold after that. THEN she took a nap, woke up on the wrong side of the HOUSE and was being an absolute little TURKEY and I put her in time out again. She immediately stopped crying and yelled to me in a very pleasant voice, “MOMMAY!! Want My HEART and SQU-AIR! PUH-LEEEZE!” So now I’m thinking time out isn’t such a dreaded punishment anymore. BUT it does calm her down, and puts her in a good mood again… So… it’s still serving its purpose. FOR NOW.

And talk about being blessed! I find out I can get induced this week, get blinds this week, find all the décor for Brighton’s room for a STEAL, have had several things donated to me for Brighton’s room, been given the sweetest gifts from SOOO many generous people, and today Sister Kelly brought me dinner! (And gave me some very much needed conversation)! And my cousin is having me a diaper bag made. And now my little DARLING is playing me songs on the keyboard. She’s a sweet little singer with a LOT more rhythm than her MOM. And she likes her music LOUD. VERY LOUD.

Well I need to get our little family in bed and asleep! Tomorrow is like Christmas! I’ve never been so happy to go to the doctor in my life! She BETTER tell me all is WELL for THuRSDAY or you may see a lady go into a very DEEP depression!! OH my good Heavens. Brooklyn just informed me that her “FEETS hurt… Mommy and my back es hurts…too.”