We picked a house! Mrs. Angela’s beautiful, fully furnished house, with the tropical yard, and massive porches. But we can't move in until January 5th!! Where in the heck did I get off thinking I only had to survive 10 days?! Oh, I know. Using a public school planner that I bought to keep my homeschooling organized and it simply DELETED the two weeks Christmas break!

Starling convinced Angela to let us rent it for $900/month instead of $1,000. (All utilities, electricity, internet included plus fully furnished).  

He said, “$100/month saved- is 20 pizzas!”

“Uh, you mean, pays for our cook.” ($5/day for someone to cook and clean. AND do laundry). I can do my own dang laundry and clean my own house. But I am definitely having a cook. For $17 a day we can have our meals delivered without having to buy ANY groceries. I’d only have to see food when it was being forked into my mouth. I think that’s been my very VOCAL dream ever since I invited people over for Sloppy Joes and didn’t know the meat wasn’t in the can.

I have a few talents, but cooking is definitely NOT one of them. Is $17 a day to feed a family of 5 good? I have no clue how much I normally spend on us in the States. All I know is we ate a lot of frozen pizzas, burritos, and frozen lasagnas. And when the homemaker bug took a plug out out of me, I would spend FOREVER watching Zataran’s jambalaya boil, (forgetting to stir occasionally), and MAYBE even cook canned corn and green beans. Starling might bake some Pillsbury cookies. But mostly I would go to Wal Mart, buy a bunch of Great Value items and stare at them in my pantry and decide we had nothing to eat.
 

Starling bought two phones yesterday, so we will have Magic Jack numbers if anyone wants to talk to us for free. But you’d have to download the Magic Jack app. And the whatsap for texting. I'll put my phone number on here once I find my phone. (Don't worry. I didn't LOOSE this one. Its just misplaced somewhere in the hotel).

Starling bought a scooter. Which is huge. Good for our wallet and bad for my sanity.

Since Angela gave us hotel rooms that are walled off from any traffic, said she’d only rent hotel rooms on the other side of the wall, and there is a GINORMOUS cement common area, and total access to the entire 5 acre cement areas both enclosed and outside, we decided bikes for our kids are a must. And the sooner the better.

We made a rash decision. While we still had a rental car that could HOLD 3 riding toys, Starling bought Brooklyn a pink angry birds bike from a Pawn Shop for $40. Its well over $100 at the store. (That's the only way I can justify spending more than I would at a thrift store. This retail crap is DESTROYING me! My brain can't compute). The bike looks brand new. He couldn’t find ANYTHING used for the boys. (AGAIN, WHY no thrift stores!? HOW do people LIVE without THRIFT STORES?!) So he bought retail toys for probably the first time in his life. He got Bry a Car’s bike, and Boeing a red riding toy with a horn.

We had to decide. Do we hide the bikes until Christmas OR do we lie to our innocent little children who don’t know the difference and tell them that it’s Christmas eve? It really wasn’t a hard decision. Without a car to go anywhere out of walking distance for a while, Christmas was here. And yesterday became Christmas Eve.

“GUESS what you guys?! Today is Christmas Eve!”

I looked around the hotel room. No tree. No stockings. No way to make chocolate chip cookies, no milk. So I did what I do best. I improvised and, while I was lying about Christmas, lied about several OTHER things.

“Umm… in Mexico you leave one of your shoes outside the door and Santa puts candy in it, and…” I spotted the remainder of our lunch on the table, “instead of cookies, we leave Santa burritos and Flan to drink.” (Angela gave us Flan. It was delicious, once I convinced my gag reflex to accept the texture). “It’s because Santa comes to Mexico first and eats dinner, and the U.S. after to get dessert.

“Oh! Like leftovers?!” Brooklyn asked enthusiastically. She thought for a minute. “That must be why he’s so fat, huh? He really eats too much food.”

Bry said, “I’m so excited! I hope Santa Clause brings me a spider man motorcycle that climbs up the wall JUST like Peyton got at our old house.” (He has been asking for one for MONTHS ever since Peyton’s birthday. (He’s the youngest little guy I fostered).

They didn’t have one at the Wal Mart here. So I said, “Well Santa brings everyone something. Sometimes its what they ASK for and sometimes its something EVEN better!!”

He contemplated this. “Something better than a spider man motorcycle that climbs the walls? What’s better than that?”

He and Brooklyn joyfully and dramatically went through ALL the possibilities of BEST things they might get. “Maybe we’ll get a new soccer ball that is kind of like magic but its not that you can kick inside and it doesn’t hit walls and it doesn’t even take batteries. I saw it on Mia’s t.v.”

“Maybe we’ll get bubble gum!”

“What if we get a WHOLE bunch of candy? Like blow pops!”

“Or like- a new flashlight?”

Starling and I looked at each other. They have some pretty humble ideas of BEST presents.

It rained last night for the first time since we’ve been here. We put the bikes and all the little presents from the states in one of the many massive rooms in the huge building connected to our courtyard that Angela swept and mopped for our kids to play in. (Since the concrete foot ball field might be too small for 3 kids). When the kids woke up the next morning, they were ecstatic to find their shoes full of candy.

“This is the greatest Christmas ever! I love Mexico Christmas!” Brooklyn said. Brighton and Boeing began copying her, of course, catching her enthusiasm. It took them forever to realize they didn’t see any gifts. Starling and I actually had to remind them that there were presents. They went on an “adventure” to find them, searching everywhere for tiny little presents. They FINALLY found them.

“OH MY GOSH! OH MY GOSH! I always WANTED a bike! Its a BIG bike!”

“LOOK AT MINE, BWOOKLYN! Its a RACING one!”

Boeing jumped on his little car and started scooting around immediately. Then he spotted the little four wheelers and motorcycles. “WOOK MOM! WOOK DAD! A mower-cycle! A for-lidder!!!” And boy was he thrilled when he saw that the seat of his little car lifted and he could carry all of his goodies.

Brighton and Brooklyn wasted no time. They began playing freeze tag on their bikes.

It rained off and on throughout the day. It was warm rain and the kids had a blast driving through the puddles.

“I named my bike Angry Momma Angry Bird Angry Johnson!” (First, middle, and last name).

“I named MINE Race, because it is always racing,” Brighton announced.

Angela came over while Starling was gone. Brooklyn had peed in the toilet and not flushed.

“Lady! A problemo!” Confused, I started to flush it. “NO, NO!” She grabbed the toilet paper roll, pointed at it, and rattled off in Spanish. I got her point. Do NOT flush toilet paper. It clogs up their drains or something along those lines. And she reached her hand INTO the toilet, to make her point, pulled OUT the toilet paper, flung it into the trash, and washed her hands while she kept talking ninety to nothing in Spanish. “Lady” this and “Lady” that. I said, “Lo Siento,” trying to apologize for flushing TOILET paper and for anything else she was Ladying me about.

“I” She said pointing at herself, “Clean, clean, clean.” She sounded exasperated.

Wide eyed I nodded, and as soon as she left, I told the kids to clean up everything. I had no idea what she had told me in Spanish, but I understood, “no, no, no. Lady. And clean, clean, clean.”

When Starling came home with lunch, I told him about the encounter. He went and talked to her. She told Starling not to throw toilet paper in toilet and that she was coming to clean our rooms in a little while if we wanted to take the kids and ride bikes in the front while she cleaned our rooms. And she asked, in Spanish of course, “How do you say Senora in Ingles?” Starling said, “Miss.” She said, “What does “Lady” mean.” He told her. He said her eyes widened and she shook her head. She said, “I called your wife Lady.” So then she came and, just as enthusiastically as she did the first time, (its just her way, I guess), and spouted out a whole bunch more Spanish. I thought she was finishing a chew out session, but she was actually apologizing. “You. Me. Amigas, si?” “Si.” I agreed. Having no idea what I was agreeing to.

Starling said she was trying to tell me how excited she is that we are renting her house and we can use all of her facilities (the 5 acres of concrete) that she will clean, clean, clean for the children to play. Gotta love a good language barrier.

Starling came home about 8 with rice Angela gave us. I love their white rice. I want to pile it with butter and eat it as a meal. Boeing, Mr. Impatient, (I wonder where he gets that from), grabbed a chunk of brown on the side. Starling said, “OMG! You did NOT just eat that by itself!” Its like eating a beef bullion, except made out of FIRE. Its supposed to be mixed into the ENTIRE container of rice. Boeing tried to pull out his tongue, but recovered quickly, and said, “Wan nother bite.” Before the bite went into his mouth he blew on it. Bless his heart.

Tomorrow- back to car shopping. If it doesn’t rain, I’m going to be strollering the kids to the beach. Its only a mile or two away. Mirrors KNOW I need to take a hike. If I keep eating Mexican sugar bread everyday, my butt isn’t going to be able to fit through the front gate.