I am kind of a sucky housewife. For someone who is a STAY at HOME mom, one might think I could manage all the house work. I want a spotless house… a house that is so clean an ANT would starve to death in it... a house so clean a mouse couldn’t find a place to hide… BUT… I’d settle for a house that didn’t have dust bunnies, sticky floors, TOYS everywhere, and-ideally- have all of Starling’s TREASURES safely stuffed in his shed OUT of sight.
BUT… I don’t lose sleep over my house. (I have 2 kids, a husband, and a Charkley- who doesn’t know he’s a dog- to lose sleep over). Instead, I try to compensate for time lost during the day (due to children and pure EXHAUSTION) for cleaning at RANDOM hours of the night. I am on NO kind of schedule, unless of course one considers no schedule a type… which I suppose it is… a very UNPRODUCTIVE and UNHEALTHY type… but again, I do what I can. Last night I was a zombie brushing my teeth and plucking out half my eyeball connected to my contact. I flopped into bed and vowed to never leave its fluffy embrace again. Of course, Brooklyn woke up about that time. She’d fallen asleep on the couch and Starling and I dared not disturb her (except for my jabbing a toothbrush down her throat.. but one wouldn’t BLAME me if they saw her teeth. She had enough frosting on those things to cover a cake). And Brooklyn is NEVER a case of merely GOING to sleep once she gets in Mommy’s bed, or as she calls it… The NIGHT NIGHT. She HAS to have Chocolate Milk. And Starling and I fight it sometimes and win after she cries herself to sleep… after two hours. (IF you call that WINNING). But RARELY are EITHER of us willing to suffer through TWO hours of her crying, “PUH-LEEESE… I JUS…T… WAN…T… MY… CHOC… LIT… MI…YILK!” SOOOO Starling got up with her to get her milk. (SUCH a good man- and I didn’t even have to physically BEAT him to make him do it either… he just sucked it up and took it like a Mummy getting called out of his Coffin). I woke up at 3 a.m. Charkley had to pee. I was chewing him out in whisper form for NOT going to potty BEFORE he went to bed, but let him out none the less. I then heard Brighton in his crib mercilessly trying to SUCK his hand off his wrist. NOT crying… but smacking and rooting like a pig with a megaphone.
I figured- WHILE I was UP, I’d feed him. It was only a matter of time before he realized milk wouldn’t come out of his fingers and he’d get frustrated enough to start whimpering. I fed him, I changed him, I let Charkley back inside, and I lay back in my miraculously comfortable bed. My body went limp… but my BRAIN didn’t. I was WIDE awake with the most RANDOM thoughts plundering in my head. Annoyed, I tried focusing on the sound of the fan lulling me to sleep. But that only made me think of how Brooklyn never sleeps under the cover EVEN when the fan is blowing on her. And that led to thoughts of Brighton. He doesn’t like covers EITHER. And then I had to see if Starling sleeps under covers because they MUST get that from him because I bundle up like an Eskimo going into hibernation for the winter. Then, like I usually do, unable to get to sleep, I sighed with defeat, leapt from my bed, and turned on the light. AND, like Starling ALWAYS does, Starling asked, “What are you DOING?” I grabbed my clothes and shoes. “Heading to the gym.”
I worked out from about 3:30 to 4:30 a.m. I got home and tried to reason with myself WHY I should go back to bed. BECAUSE I’m going to be DEAD tired, is reason enough. But I was all pumped up.
Starling has never told me that he HATES me to clean in the wee hours of the morning before the sun comes up. I don’t think me doing laundry bothers him, or even the banging of pots and pans while I unload the dishwasher… BUT I did once hear him say to someone, when I was mentioning my FAVORITE time to clean house is in the middle of the night, that there was nothing better than waking up at 3 a.m. to the roar of the vacuum cleaner. So… I refrained from doing that this morning. But- if the grass wasn’t still covered in wet dew- I’d be out there mowing. That must be why there IS dew… to keep morons like me from ticking off entire neighborhoods.
So I got my clean on and now that my household will be WAKING up… I’m ready for a NAP.
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